There are two Spiritual Works of Mercy that are very hard to practice today, and I see them as going hand in hand: "Instructing the Ignorant" and "Admonishing the Sinner."
Here's the thing: with regard to the former, we all know where this has gotten us. Being ignorant or "in the dark" is sometimes happenstance ("You know, I never thought about that before!") and sometimes it can be willful ("I don't know, and I don't want to know.") A shameful example of men remaining willfully ignorant to abuse in order to acquit themselves of culpability can be seen with regards to Cardinal Wuerl's desire to remain "in the dark" when confronted with instances of abuse:
"[Fr] Zirwas informed the diocese in 1996 that he knew of other Pittsburgh priests’ involvement in illegal sexual activity, the report found, and “demanded that his sustenance payments be increased” in exchange for that information. Wuerl replied with instructions to provide the names of the priests involved or to “state that he had no knowledge of what he had previously claimed” to get any additional assistance. The priest then disavowed any knowledge of priests being involved in illegal sexual activity in a letter to the diocese. “Zirwas was granted an additional financial stipend and his sustenance payments were continued,” report said.
But sometimes, people of general good will, due to faulty or insufficient catechesis, can really be effectively ignorant of the teachings of their religion. If a Catholic couple is fornicating or living together before marriage, they might just think this is normal in today's culture and be going along with their lives with a skip and a smile. One might be afraid of turning them off altogether, or shutting down and hating you. But when opportunity presents itself to speak the truth in love (Eph 4:15), you are presented with an opportunity to save your brother or sister.
We know that the divine law is written onto the hearts of men, even for pagans and unbelievers. We know conscience is an endowed gift of God:
"For when Gentiles who do not have the Law do instinctively the things of the Law, these, not having the Law, are a law to themselves, in that they show the work of the Law written in their hearts, their conscience bearing witness and their thoughts alternately accusing or else defending them" (Rom 2:14-15)
How, then, does this work, practically speaking--this instructing and admonishing? Well, I have always been bad at it, because, well, I'm not that different from most people in that I like to be liked and have thin skin, generally. But God is working on me, and I'm giving less figs about that these days, so I'm more inclined when presented with the opportunity to bring attention to these things.
First: get your own house in order. No one likes a hypocrite, and no one likes to be judged. Truth be told, we should not be judging people at all, but that does not mean we cannot judge actions as objectively right or wrong. Live a life of integrity yourself before admonishing others to do the same.
Second: When delivering hard truths that have the potential to knock someone off their rocker of ignorance, have some humility, and remember that you were there once too. Expunge all sense of self-righteousness, because people can smell this a mile away. Make it clear by your thoughts, words, and actions, that you care for the person you are speaking to, and you speak out of love.
Third: pray for grace and for the Holy Spirit to give you the words and speak for you. Do not rely on your own power. You are not a heart or mind reader like Padre Pio, so don't try to act like one. If God tells you by the Holy Spirit in prayer that now is not the time to speak, now is not the time to speak. If he tells you to speak the truth in love, speak the truth in love. Do whatever He tells you.
Fourth: always with a smile. I don't know if this is kosher or not, it's even counter intuitive, but I think it can be disarming and helpful to smile, intentional and genuinely, when admonishing. The message is important. HOW you deliver the message may be even more so. Not all of us can pull off being a John the Baptist. But we can deliver his message to repent in concrete ways without being sour-pusses. Our faith is motivated by the JOY of being saved from sin and death, and we need to communicate that concretely when dishing up hard truths if we want a greater likelihood of the medicine going down.
Fifth: suffer derision for their sake. They may curse you or strike you even, ignore you or cut ties. They may mock you or accuse you. Take it upon yourself to pray and do reparations that they may have eyes to see, and experience a new heart, a changed heart, a born-again heart. Christ took on suffering and derision for the sake of blind and ungrateful men, and so if we want to follow him we may be wise to get used to this feeling of being rejected and our love thwarted. That's ok. God does His part, you do your part, and the rest is out of your hands.
The image that comes to mind of standing in the midst of such derision and shame is of the Woolworth's sit-in during the Civil Rights movement. Blacks exercising civil disobedience had sugar, ketchup, and mustard poured on their heads when they refused to move. They knew what was right, were willing to take the hits for it, and refused to be moved or intimidated.
You don't have to go looking for suffering. Speak the Gospel truth to those who are resistant to it and it will find you. Stand for the truth when it hurts and you will experience it. Love anyone, and you will suffer for it; it is only a matter of time. But who knows--if you speak out and accept the consequences, they may hate you and simulatenously wake from their fatal slumber at the same time. You will have popped their balloon of ignorance, and they will no longer in good conscience be able to fly it into the careless clouds. You will start them on a hard road, perhaps, and they will hate you for it, at least initially.
And you, my friend--don't you scorn this shame, but relish it, as the apostles did when "they left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name" (Acts 5:41). You know you are doing something right, earning your keep and on the narrow road, when you are covered in the mess the world pours on your head in its hatred of you. No matter. For then you will attest, with St. Dominic Savio, "If I can succeed in saving only a single soul, I can be sure that my own will be saved."
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