Ever since she has been going to Mass with us (occasionally, and on holidays) she always refrains from going up for Communion. And, not being Catholic, this is the right thing to do and I respect her for taking that initiative herself humbly and with grace. Still, my heart always tears a little bit when I see her sitting in the pew herself. I know it can't be any other way. "You know, Rob, the liturgy is so similar, it's so close (in the high Episcopal service)." Close in form, but no cigar.
I have great respect for church-goers who attend Mass regularly but, for whatever their reasons, do not receive Holy Communion. It is a source of great pressure to "just go up." No one wants to sit in their pew alone; everybody wants to a do what everyone else is doing. I cringe at weddings and funerals when time to receive the Holy Eucharist comes. I pray and pray that the priest will make mention something about the need for Confession, or the Church's guidelines about reception of the Eucharist, or what it means to be in a state of grace, or even that non-Catholics should not be going up to receive Communion. But it always just ends up being a cacophonous cluster, and the words of St. Paul ring in my ear “For any one who eats and drinks without discerning the body eats and drinks judgment upon himself. That is why many of you are weak and ill, and some have died” (1 Cor 11:29–30). The lackadaisical attitude towards the Lord fully present in the Eucharist and the lack of discernment is like a dagger to the heart sometimes, which is why I usually close my eyes and not open them, for my own benefit to keep from the temptation towards judgment, until the priest takes his seat.
Those who are in the process of becoming Catholic but who are not yet permitted to receive the Lord in the Eucharist describe a kind of aching for it. The not being able to receive is so hard, because they know Who it is (not what "it" "represents"). But their time will come at the Easter vigil. And they will know the sweetness of the Lord.
Those too, who, for whatever reason--be it an irregular marriage or a sin that they cannot yet bring themselves to confess--who refrain from the Eucharist at Mass yet who fully worship and participate with their whole hearts. As long as it's not a kind of Jansenism or scrupulosity, I think it indicates a healthy respect and self-knowledge that believes and trembles, like the publican who would not raise his head to Heaven but beat his breast saying "God, be merciful to me a sinner." There has to be something to that. Contrasted to the brazen attitude of those who march up and 'demand their Eucharistic due' for their tithe or good behavior or whatever, like the Pharisee, eat and drink condemnation on themselves.
I liked what the Archbishop of Toronto, His Eminence Thomas Card. Collins said, on the topic of not receiving Communion at Mass:
"Many people who are divorced, and who are not free to marry, do enter into a second marriage. There are various reasons that can lead to this, and their fellow parishioners should not occupy themselves speculating about them. Catholics in that tragic situation can be involved in many ways in the life of the community, but they may not receive the sacraments, such as Holy Communion, since whatever their personal disposition is or the reasons for their situation, known perhaps only to God, they are continuing in a way of life which is objectively against the clear command of Jesus. That is the point. The point is not that they have committed a sin; the mercy of God is abundantly granted to all sinners. Murder, adultery, and any other sins, no matter how serious, are forgiven by Jesus, especially through the Sacrament of Reconciliation, and the forgiven sinner receives communion. The issue in the matter of divorce and remarriage is one’s conscious decision (for whatever reason) to persist in a continuing situation of disconnection from the command of Jesus. Although it would not be right for them to receive the sacraments, we need to find better ways to reach out to people in this situation, to offer them loving assistance.
One thing that would help would be if all of us realized that receiving communion is not obligatory at Mass. There are many reasons why a Christian might choose not to receive communion. If there were less pressure for everyone to receive communion, it would be some help to those who are not in a position to do so."
I try to walk a line and draw a balance between recognizing my unworthiness as a sinner to receive the King of the Universe under guise of bread and wine, while also recognizing that He thirsts for us to "eat his flesh and drink his blood" so that we may "have life in us" and that my sustenance in the spiritual life depends on being fed this heavenly food. I used to struggle with scrupulosity, but not anymore by God's grace. I am wholly dependent on His mercy and completely unworthy of this gift. I will never be perfect or completely without sin. But that's no reason or basis for spiritual neurosis. It just means that I NEED Him to LIVE, lest I starve. The devil often exploits scruples to keep us from God's mercy...it's a different kind of problem than those who cavalierly presume it
I would want everyone in the world, including my mom, to be unified in God's One Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church. I suppose God has His reasons why He permits that not to be the case at this time. The Creed--what we believe--unifies us as a family, and we profess it each time we attend the Mass. It's like a renewal of vows. As Catholics, we are not some kind of exclusive country-club, but a family. We have our beliefs and our statements of faith that bind us but are open to all, without the limitations of caste or class or race or sex.
But we can make it easier for people to at least be exposed to the awesome wonder of the Lord fully present body, blood, soul, and divinity at the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass--invite someone to Mass. Instruct the ignorant (a spiritual work of mercy), in a compassionate way, why the Eucharist is reserved for those members of the family. Pray for them, that they may have a hunger and burning thirst for the Eucharistic Lord. You yourself do not be hypocritical or a source of scandal. Do not judge those who receive or not receive, leave it up to the Lord. And remember to beat your breast when your eyes are cast down before Him, repeating the words of the publican: "God, be merciful to me a sinner."