What Happened When I Put My Phone Down, Took a Deep Breath, and Started A Conversation With A Total Stranger

I am sort of anti-social by nature. It's why I started smoking at age 16--so I could go outside and be alone, or be social but with a crutch. I've gotten much better over the years in terms of moving out from extreme lone-wolf behavior and introversion, but it takes practice. Especially when it comes to talking to strangers.

Smart phones are the new cigarettes, as far as I can see. Their use is addicting. They are anti-social by nature. Whereas I don't see a whole lot of teens smoking anymore, I see them on their phones, everywhere. They sit down next to each other and don't say a thing, don't look up.

And not just teens, but adults too. I am at an international conference this week with about a thousand or so higher ed professionals, most who don't know one another. People on their phones, on the ipads, on their laptops. They look very busy and very important, but I wouldn't be surprised if many were just facebooking or responding to non-urgent emails.

After one session this morning, I sat down at a table with a few strangers and my immediate instinct was to pull out my phone. The young woman across from me was doing the same thing. But I had had my coffee, so I was not in a grumpy mood. I didn't have anything urgent to check or write. So, I decided I would try to start a conversation.

"Hi," I said, "Where are you from?"

"Oh!" she said, surprised that someone was talking to her. "Hello!"

We put our phones down and talked for about five or ten minutes...hometowns, weather, the conference. Nothing deep or intense, just regular friendly conversation. What struck me was how out-of-normal range this has become, to make conversation with someone you are sitting next to at a table. She seemed genuinely surprised (and somewhat pleasantly so). It was, you might say, a "human moment."

Here's the thing: I have been praying a lot recently, feeling a calling to be a worker in the Lord's harvest field (Lk 10:2), giving more credence to the Great Commission to make disciples of all nations as part of my (and everyone's) baptismal calling (Mt 28:19), and also to declare with my mouth that Jesus is Lord (Rom 10:9). In other words, the call to evangelization.

But here's the other thing--despite the mis-quote of St. Francis ("Preach the Gospel always...use words if necessary"--he never said that) we sometimes need to intentionally TALK to people USING WORDS in conversation ABOUT JESUS. If it doesn't come naturally, it might take some practice. And the best way to practice talking to people--about Jesus or about the weather--is to just do it. Just open your mouth, put yourself out there, and start a conversation. Sometimes it can fall flat. Sometimes it can go in a delightful and unexpected direction.

At the heart of not talking to people about Jesus, for me, is a kind of cowardice and laziness. It's easier to just be anti-social and safe in my space, like when I used to leave a party to go outside and smoke. When something is new and unfamiliar, it can seem hard, because we are not used to it. What if we practiced, so it was no longer new and foreign, but more like second nature? That is, what if we practiced talking about Jesus with people--friends, family, strangers--not in a heavy, confrontational way, but opening the door to listening, respecting where people are at, and sharing the Good News as you have received it in a palatable way? Would it catch people off guard? Would they get uncomfortable? Would they be pleasantly surprised?

Maybe all of the above. But how would we know if we pull out our phones at the first sign of discomfort, never open our mouths, retreat to our safe spaces?

I think sometimes I have a tendency to overly spiritualize and make overly complicated things that should be simple. I can't talk about Jesus or evangelize until x, y, and z are in place. It is not complicated to talk to someone, to say hi, or smile. You don't have to be a professional  apologist to share your faith or story. You just have to make the effort, in a very human way, and pray for the Holy Spirit to move.

If you are a Christian and Jesus has touched your life, have some courage and take a chance. Talk to someone, a stranger even, at a conference or at a bus stop. You'd be surprised what might happen!

"Always be prepared to give an answer to every man who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear." (1 Peter 3:15)

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