My wife and I read a book years ago called The Five Love Languages. The premise is simple but profound: people experience love in different and unique ways, and typically we tend to think that how we feel loved is everybody feels love. Not the case, though.
My wife's love language is quality time. If she is getting time with me, if I am making time for her, she knows she is loved. She feels it.
I like quality time ok, but it's not a huge deal for me. Gifts I'm not real big on. Acts of service I can do without. Physical touch is important to me. But nothing makes me feel loved than to receive words of affirmation from my wife. "I love you. I'm proud of you. I respect you." It can literally turn my day around when my wife makes a point to tell me these things because she's speaking my "love language."
Have you ever noticed in the first chapter of Genesis, when God is giving his great monologue while creating the heavens and the earth ("Let there be light..."), there is a curious line:
My wife's love language is quality time. If she is getting time with me, if I am making time for her, she knows she is loved. She feels it.
I like quality time ok, but it's not a huge deal for me. Gifts I'm not real big on. Acts of service I can do without. Physical touch is important to me. But nothing makes me feel loved than to receive words of affirmation from my wife. "I love you. I'm proud of you. I respect you." It can literally turn my day around when my wife makes a point to tell me these things because she's speaking my "love language."
Have you ever noticed in the first chapter of Genesis, when God is giving his great monologue while creating the heavens and the earth ("Let there be light..."), there is a curious line:
Then God said, "Let us make man in our own image, in our likeness..." (Gen 1:26)
While I'm sure there are various exegetical explanations for the plural 'us', one that strikes me is that of the pre-existent Trinity--Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Three persons. One God. Existing together in a "communion of love." A divine mystery. The Son was pre-existent to being born of the Virgin--that is, he existed before time and space. For in John's gospel we read that
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning." (Jn 1:1-2)
The Son loves the Father and the Father loves the Son and affirms him. In Mt. 3:17 at Jesus' baptism a voice from Heaven said,
"This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased."
And again in Mt 17:5 at his Transfiguration:
"This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!"
What am amazing affirmation. It goes such a long way for a father to say to his son, "I love you. I am proud of you. I believe in you." It carries such weight. My father did it for me often, and I try to do it with my son too. Not just sons even, but daughters especially as well. Listen to the observations of Dr. Meg Meeker in her book, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters:
"I have watched daughters talk to fathers. When you come into the room, they change. Everything about them changes: their eyes, their mouths, their gestures, their body language. Daughters are never lukewarm in the presence of their fathers. They might take their mothers for granted, but not you. They light up--or they cry. They watch you intensely. They hang on your words. They hope for your attention, and they wait for it in frustration--or in despair. They need a gesture of approval, a nod of encouragement, or even simple eye contact to let them know you care and are willing to help."
Sometimes we need to be pushed. Self discipline, yes. Sacrifice and focus, sure. But sometimes even the hardest-edged CEO or the winningest World Series pitcher sitting on a stack of accomplishments finds herself or himself sitting in their office looking out at the skyline and just wanting to be told by his or her dad that he is proud of them. That he loves them. That he is well pleased with them. Such words hold such weight because of who they are coming from and for what they mean to the one receiving them.
You may not have had that growing up. But you can make a difference for your own children if you have them by making it a point to affirm them regularly. If you don't have kids, but are married, affirm your spouse--husbands love your wives and tell them you love them; wives, let your man know you respect him and are proud of him. It can literally turn a man's life around. If you are single, consider mentoring a child in need of guidance and affirmation. You can bring a light into their world. When someone believes in you, you never know how far they will take that affirmation into their adult life.
Don't underestimate the power of words of affirmation.
You may not have had that growing up. But you can make a difference for your own children if you have them by making it a point to affirm them regularly. If you don't have kids, but are married, affirm your spouse--husbands love your wives and tell them you love them; wives, let your man know you respect him and are proud of him. It can literally turn a man's life around. If you are single, consider mentoring a child in need of guidance and affirmation. You can bring a light into their world. When someone believes in you, you never know how far they will take that affirmation into their adult life.
Don't underestimate the power of words of affirmation.
"The Father loves the Son and has placed everything in his hands."
(Jn 3:35)
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