When he was a waiter in Atlantic City in his early twenties, he told me, the maître d'hôtel would tell all the waiters to push the drinks--alcohol, sodas, coffees, juices--because that's where their largest profit margin was. I don't know why it stuck with him, but the way he saw it, the people ordering drinks were unaware they were being used, getting fleeced in a sense by people just trying to extract maximum profit from them. And so from then on, my dad never ordered anything but water in restaurants. He refused to be used and treated as a fool that didn't know any better, since he felt he now did.
This may be an extreme example, but I think the fear of looking foolish, the fear of being used, runs deeper in our psyches than we give it credit for. And it is unique as well. I have absolutely no fear of public speaking, for instance, whereas this may be crippling for others.
I didn't get a car until I was twenty nine, and never drove much prior to that. I biked most places, took the bus and train, and got rides with friends in high school and college. I lived in the city at the time, and driving was a hassle and a little stressful when you didn't do it a ton, but with my job I needed it to visit clients. I was dealing with a good deal of anxiety at the time, and I found that the fear of looking foolish in public was at the root of this anxiety. It was the fear of not being able to do or perform something that everyone else took for granted, like driving a car. I also had this fearful scenario that played out when I had to park in parking garages, a kind of claustrophobia, that the lever would not go up and I would not be able to get out and cars would be lining up behind me and honking and I would be trapped for all eternity and ashamed. It was an irrational fear, but it was deeply rooted in that fear and shame of looking foolish.
The more miles I logged, the more comfortable I became, and the fear eventually subsided. It's been replaced periodically by other fears, but none that are debilitating. They usually have the same root--I don't want to be a fool. My dad's approach to this when it came to finances was always being in control and being savvy, never being in a position of being taken advantage of and always having more than he needs.
For me in this life, my main concern is how to live the Gospel. But when you are living the Gospel fully, there is an element of foolishness there that is unavoidable. Rather than being ashamed of the Gospel (Rom 1:16), Paul owns and relishes in his status as a fool and in the foolishness of the Cross (1 Cor 1:18; 1 Cor 4:10). It is not something to be squirmy about, but to embrace with gusto.
I think being married has helped with a sense of comfortable security, that I can be myself and not be rejected, and that has built confidence in a willingness to look like a fool in many other things, including being a fool for Christ. My wife knows many of my deepest secrets, and has seen me look like a fool in many situations. She's still here. She gets it, and gets the Gospel.
I mentioned earlier the issue of looking foolish is at the root of many fears, but I have also experienced being a fool by being taken advantage of. A few months ago a young man from my men's group called me after I had sent out a prayer request for more opportunities to provide for my family. He said he had a partnership opportunity I might be interested in, and would my wife and I like to meet him and his wife for coffee to discuss the matter more? I said sure, sounds great! There was a friendly vagueness to his answers when I asked him what kind of opportunities he was talking about. He met together on two occasions before I realized that I was being roped into a multi-level marketing Amway ponzi scheme. But they were so nice! It didn't get to any point where I committed to anything, but I felt like a fool, used and foolish. I felt completely betrayed, and did not trust myself or my insights for a while after that.
We must be willing to take chances when it comes to living in obedience to Christ, and be willing to look foolish for his sake. Because his will is often opposed to that of the world, as it is written "Friendship with the world is enmity with God," (James 4:4). I think the more you look like a fool for His sake, the more you get comfortable with it. It's scary for most because it is so unfamiliar. the though that we will lose friendship with the world and no one with flesh and bones will stretch out their hand and take their place. That is faith, the hope of things unseen. In God's economy, not looking like a fool, looking like we have it all together, counts for very little. And so let's be rich in the things of God, take a chance, and be fools for Christ, having little regard for the things of this world.