The break in routine for me meant I was sleeping in, not praying in a structured way, not reading the bible as much, indulging in what I had given up (coffee), and getting depressed as a result. There is no real 'vacation' or 'day off' in the spiritual life, though this is how I was treating it. It is dangerous to give the devil a foothold, because he will take advantage of the situation when you lay your armor down, even for a moment.
This is the hardest stage in Lent for me. You can see that Holy week is just ahead. You're tired and cranky. You've made some exceptions and concessions in your resolutions, and you feel like it's hard to get back on the wagon so why bother? Temptations seem to increase. It's like a marathon runner who has been going to 25 miles and decides to take a breather with a mile to go.
Have you heard of the Stations of the Cross? It's a Catholic devotional practice that traces Jesus' steps on the way to the Cross at Calvary. Jesus was made to carry his own cross. He falls not once on the way, not twice, but three times. He just kept falling. But also getting up. Only to be crucified. For the sake of people who could care less about him, and had no idea what he had taken upon himself.
When I was away, I did whatever I wanted. I was off from work. I went out to eat. I read or wrote if I felt like it, but if I didn't, I didn't bother. I slept in and didn't bother to exercise much. I was my own master, living for myself.
Driving back and hitting DC Beltway traffic at rush hour on a Friday, after taking an extended wrong-turn, and having to pee like you would not believe, with no where to go, things were getting ugly in the car. Deb and I were getting salty with each other, yelling, blaming each other and being mean. In serving no one but myself for the past few days and taking 'time off' from prayer, I am sure I opened up myself to spiritual attack, like a plant weakened that is attacked by insects. I really regret neglecting that, and learned my lesson.
I learned something on this trip--living for yourself does not lead to happiness. Happiness becomes elusive the more you try to please yourself, whether it's with nice restaurants or leisure, or pleasurable recreation. The secret to joy is in giving of ourselves to others, for it it is in giving that we receive (St. Francis of Assisi). Hard work allows one to experience earned leisure, but leisure by itself rots like hoarded manna. Prayer tunes us into God's frequency, where everything is right and natural, and when we forget to do that it's just trying to make decisions in a field of static. Fasting and sacrifice, training the flesh, hones our faculties and keeps us spiritually health and toned, not flabby and lethargic like I currently feel.
Please pray for me friends, as we enter Holy Week next week. Let's finish the face faithfully together, and hold each other up...to be faithful to the end.
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race..."
(2 Tim 4:7)
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